COPYRIGHT 2002 --- ROBERT BAER JR. Inspector Zima -- "Zima the Genius" DISCLAIMER Road Rover names, character, situations and the Road Rover universe are the property of Warner Bros. I, nor this script/story have any connection with Warner Bros. in any way, shape or form. This document is meant solely for not-for-profit entertainment and may not be reproduced or publized in any way, shape or form. This story in not meant to infringe on any copyrights. This story is written by Robert Baer Jr and the characters Inspector Zima snd Linda Maddog are Robert Baer Jr's creations, copyright pending 1999-2001. Goldfire Wolf is a creation of Patrick Wood. Marauder is a creation of Jerimy Bass. Mystic McLab is a creation of Bart Walls. Inspector Zima -- "Zima the Genius" The scene is Road Rover Headquarters, in one of the storage caves where Hunter, Colleen, Blitz, Shag, Exile, Inspector Zima and Goldfire Wolf are busy moving crates and other items in. HUNTER (pointing): Ok, Exile and Shag, that crate of engine parts goes over there, in section B. Blitz, Goldfire, put that crate of ... you know what.. over there in section C. GOLDFIRE (confused): A crate of you-know-what? BLITZ (nods): Ya! If vee said it had 200 pounds of dog biscuits in it, den Shag would... (embarrassed): Oops... HUNTER (shocked): BLITZ!! Shag's ears perk up. He then drops his side of his crate and rushes over and nearly tackles the crate of dog biscuits. After quickly ripping it open, Shag sits on top of it and shoves dozens of biscuits into his mouth, one right after the other. COLLEEN (carrying a lamp, angry): Way to go, Blinky! BLITZ (sad): Sorry.. INSPECTOR ZIMA (carrying a box of light bulbs): Hey, are we stopping for a snack break? (points at him): Shag is! HUNTER (shakes head): No no, Zima (points): Put those light bulbs over there on the top shelf, and be careful! INSPECTOR ZIMA (smiles, talks as she walks): I'm always careful! I didn't make Inspector in the Earth Defense Forces for nothing, y'know! I know how to handle delicate things! Saying this, Zima now trips on a crack in the floor, as she falls, Hunter zips over the grab both the box of light bulbs and Zima. HUNTER (relieved): WHEW!! That was close! INSPECTOR ZIMA (giggles): Yeah! I sure didn't see that crack in the cement! BLITZ (grumbles): It's her head dat's cracked! GOLDFIRE (angry): I heard that, Blitz! Better stop insulting my girlfriend before I stick YOU in the cement... FACE FIRST!! BLITZ (begging): Oh please don't! Have mercy! HUNTER (smiles): Ok Zima, can you take it the rest of the way? INSPECTOR ZIMA (nods): Sure! (raises hand to salute): You can count on me! As she raises her hand to salute, she lets go of one end of her box. It falls to the floor, the sound of breaking glass now fills the air. INSPECTOR ZIMA (embarrassed): Uh oh... (smiles): Hey, give me some glue and maybe I can glue all those bulbs back together? HUNTER (shakes head): Er.. never mind Zima. Go help Colleen with those boxes of old books from Professor Hubert's lab INSPECTOR ZIMA (nods): Yes sir! (giggles): But all of his books are so silly! EXILE (confused): Sillyski? INSPECTOR ZIMA (nods): Yep! No pictures in them! BLITZ (laughs): She's go dumb, she tinks a pig pen is something to write vith! INSPECTOR ZIMA (confused): Ya mean it isn't? Goldfire now grabs Blitz by his shirt collar and lifts him off the ground. GOLDFIRE (growling): I warned you, Blitz! HUNTER (zips over): Goldfire, don't do it! Calm down GOLDFIRE (furious): But I'm tired of Blitz making fun of my Zima! COLLEEN (giggles): Just ignore the blighter, the rest of us do! BLITZ (upset): HEY!! Goldfire growls as he puts Blitz back on the floor as Zima walks back in holding a twelve gage shotgun in her hand. INSPECTOR ZIMA (confused): Hey Hunter, where do I put this? HUNTER (shocked): ZIMA!! PUT THAT GUN DOWN!! there? INSPECTOR ZIMA (giggles): Don't worry Hunter, it's not loaded, see? Zima points the gun straight up and squeezes the trigger. To everyone's surprise, it goes off with a bang. The others duck for cover, except for Zima, who is still staring straight up. Pieces of the cave ceiling fall, one of those pieces hits Zima on the top of her head, causing her to stagger around and then fall to the floor. GOLDFIRE (shocked): ZIMA!!! The others now gather around her. EXILE (stunned): Bolshoi! Comrade Zima is out coldski! COLLEEN (shocked): Blimey! She's not movin'! HUNTER (shouts): Oh no! I'll get help! Hunter zips off and then returns seconds later carrying Doctor Marauder in his arms. MARUADER (stunned): Er.. Hunter, Y'know I am married.. HUNTER (puts him down): No time for jokes, Doc, Zima's taken a hit on the head! MARAUDER (shocked): Oh no! It's good that you didn't move her around.. (opens medical bag): I better take a closer look... (feels wrist): She;s got a pulse, and she's breathing, so ... To everyone's total shock, Zima opens her eyes and sits up. GOLDFIRE (happy): Zima! INSPECTOR ZIMA (slightly different voice): I am not injured badly. A slight concussion and a few bruises, but they will heal in a matter of days EXILE (shocked): Comrade Zima? COLLEEN (shocked): Blimey! Your bloomin' voice's change a bit INSPECTOR ZIMA (confused): Changed from what? I do not comprehend your query, Colleen GOLDFIRE (shocked): Say what? BLITZ (laughs): Dat's very funny, Zima! You pretending to be smart like dat! INSPECTOR ZIMA (now stands up): Pretending? I accuse you, Blitz, that this is no masquarade BLITZ (confused): Mask-er-vhat? INSPECTOR ZIMA (smirks): You are obviously a creature of low intelligence HUNTER (shocked): Alright missy, who are you and what did you do with the real Inspector Zima? INSPECTOR ZIMA (smirks): Your attempt at humor is both crude and lame. (points): As is your organization of this storage facility. We can utilize up to thirty percent more room by placing these objects in a better sequence, observe! Zima now begins to move some of the lighter boxes around, soon the other Rovers join her and with Zima's strict directions, soon the storage cave seems less crowded. COLLEEN (happy): Absolubloominlutely peachy! EXILE (shocked): Bolshoi, why didn't we think of this soonerski? HUNTER (nods): Amazing! There is more room here, and we fit all of the stuff in here too! INSPECTOR ZIMA (confidently): Naturally. Now that that task is completed, I do believe we can increase our efficency in other areas of the base... MARAUDER (sternly): Inspector Zima, I'd better give you a complete examination INSPECTOR ZIMA (growls): Other men have said that to me before, and NOW I KNOW WHY!!! MARUADER (calmly): No no Zima, I would never do anything like that. You've taken a severe blow to the skull, it is standard medical procedure to... INSPECTOR ZIMA (interrupting): ..perform a cranial X-Ray as a precaution. (nods): Very well, I will consent to this, but if you dare try to get fresh with me, it'll be YOU who will be in need of medical attention! MARAUDER (swallows hard): Er... yes ma'am... please come with me BLITZ (excited): I vant to vatch! I vant to vatch her take off her clothes! Before he can react, Inspector Zima grabs Blitz by his left wrist. Applying pressure at just the right spot on his hand, she causes Blitz to fall to his knees, screaming in pain. INSPECTOR ZIMA (growling): If you ever DARE try to gaze upon my naked body, I will rip this arm off of you and pummel you with it repeatly! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR? BLITZ (crying, begging): Ya ya, please let go of me, I von't do anyting more, I promise! Zima now releases his wrist and walks with Marauder down to the medical center. A half hour of time passes. As the other Rovers are waiting in the lounge area, Marauder, Linda Maddog and Inspector Zima walk in. HUNTER (stands up): Hey Doc, how's Zima? MARAUDER (looks at chart in his hand): Hunter, I gave her a X-Ray and every other medical scan available here LINDA (nods): And there's nothing the matter with her! INSPECTOR ZIMA (nods): Correct. I am fully recovered from my head injury, although I am at a loss to explain why COLLEEN (shocked): But what about her ... well... INSPECTOR ZIMA (smirks): My increased intelligence? Doctor Marauder's current theory is that my sudden super intelligence is the direct result of the head trauma, but it's only a theory. MARAUDER (nods): That's right. The truth is, I can't explain it scientificly LINDA (sternly): All I know is, after the examination, Zima recalibrated all of the medical center's computerized instruments INSPECTOR ZIMA (nods): A simple task... (points): I see a Rubik's cube on the shelf over there, may I? BLITZ (smirks): Ya ya, dat's my cube and I could never figure out how to... As Blitz is yet speaking, Zima solves the cube in five seconds flat and tosses it over to him. INSPECTOR ZIMA (smirks): I will say it again, you are obviously of inferior brain capacity BLITZ (shocked, stares at the cube): Ack Uneemal!! I can't believe it! EXILE (nods): It is true! Comrade Zima is now very smart! INSPECTOR ZIMA (conceited): Well, I would estimate my IQ to be in the high 300 range HUNTER (shocked): I would not have predicted this! No way! INSPECTOR ZIMA (conceited): Excuse me, all of this bantering is amusing, but I want to put my new found intelliegence to the test The others watch as Zima enters into Professor Hubert's lab. They all follow her there and watch as Professor Hubert gives her an IQ test, a ESP test, and plays her several games of chess, losing every one of them. COLLEEN (shocked): Blimey! Professor, have you gotten Zima's test results yet? HUBERT (nods): Yep! It's amazing, but she's the only person in history who has taken these tests and not missed a single answer! EXILE (shocked): Bolshoi! BLITZ (stunned): Dat's incredible! GOLDFIRE (happy); That's wonderful, darling! INSPECTOR ZIMA (gives him a blank look): Darling? GOLDFIRE (surprised): Yeah, I don't mind having a girlfriend who's a genius! INSPECTOR ZIMA (snotty): I beg your pardon, Goldfire, but I want a more compatable potential mate GOLDFIRE (total surprise): WHAT??? INSPECTOR ZIMA (sternly): I'm no longer the air headed bimbo you used to know. I am seeking a man of true genius that can match my own! Sorry sir, but that's not you GOLDFIRE (upset): No Zima! You can't mean it! INSPECTOR ZIMA (nods, coldly): I do mean it BLITZ (excited): WOW!! Now you can be my girl instead! I have super teeth, super muscles... INSPECTOR ZIMA (snotty): You are an even poorer choice than Goldfire! Goldfire is crushed, he slowly turns around and walks away. COLLEEN (upset): Blimey Zima! Ya hurt Goldfire's feelings! HUNTER (upset): Colleen's right, that wasn't nice at all INSPECTOR ZIMA (smirks): He'll get over it. It's time that all of you got used to the new Inspector Zima. In fact, I am SO much smarter than all of you put together, I hereby proclaim myself as the new leader of the Road Rovers! EXILE (shocked): BOLSHOI!! COLLEEN (shocked): HAVE YOU GONE BONKERS??? MARAUDER (stunned): ZIMA!! HUNTER (angry): Look Zima, just because you got a bump on the head doesn't give you any right to take over the Road Rovers! INSPECTOR ZIMA (snotty): Face it, Hunter, I'm the best Road Rover now... and that's another thing, since I am a wolf, I'm thinking of changing the name of this little organization. After all, I am the top dog so to speak.. HUNTER (furious): That's enough Zima, you're way outta line here! COLLEEN (furious): How dare you speak to my Wuntie-Wuntie that way! Colleen leaps up to attack Zima with her karate. To everyone's complete surprise, Zima not only blocks all of her moves, but in a matter of seconds, has knocked Colleen out cold using her own martial arts skills. HUNTER (shocked); COLLEEN!! NO!!! INSPECTOR ZIMA (coldly): As all of you can see, I am now superior in every way! HUNTER (growling): That's it, Zima, I'm kicking you out of the Rovers as of right now! INSPECTOR ZIMA (laughs): I'm the leader now, Hunter, YOU will take your orders from ME! As Hunter and Marauder rushes over to Colleen, everyone's ears perk up as a ringing laughter now fills the entire area. As Marauder cares for Colleen, the others begin looking all around. EXILE (ears perk up): Who is laughing? LINDA (looks all around): I don't know.. SHAG (shrugs): Reye Rount Row! BLITZ (defensive): Don't look at me! Instantly, a familiar looking female black lab dressed in black boots and gloves appears and floats down to the floor below. HUNTER (growls): Mystic McLab! MYSTIC (laughing): I'm flattered you remember me, Hunter! All of this is much funnier than I ever imagined it would be! INSPECTOR ZIMA (growls): Explain yourself evil doer! MYSTIC (laughing); Did you fleabags think that dumb old Zima could become a genius by getting whacked on the head? (evil grin): I'm the one that made her smart. EXILE (growls): YOU! SHAG (growls): RREAH!! BLITZ (points): You did dis to Zima? MYSTIC (laughing): That's right, Rovers! I used my magic to make her the smartest creature in the entire universe! (looks at her): And it worked SO well! In only a short time, Zima, you've managed to break up with your boyfriend and make every Rover at Headquarters dislike you with your arrogant attitude! (evil grin): I haven't had this much fun in eons! INSPECTOR ZIMA (growls at her): So, you are the one responsible for my increased intelligence! MYSTIC (nods): That's right, and now it's time to put an end to all of this. It's been a barrel of laughs, but I simply must destroy you all now. You mangy Road Rovers have been wrecking my plans to take over the world long enough As Mystic raises her arms to cast a spell, Zima rushes over and grabs her wrists, growling fiercely MYSTIC (stunned): ZIMA!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? INSPECTOR ZIMA (growls): I'm going to stop you! MYSTIC (shocked): How? How can you stop me, you crazy she wolf? INSPECTOR ZIMA (big grin): You made me the most intelligent creature in the universe, remember? I know how to put an end to your reign of evil FOREVER!!! HUNTER (shouts): Everybody take cover! Zima begins to glow, Mystic also begins to glow. All of the other Rovers take cover as the two angry women glow brighter and brighter, Zima still holding Mystic's arms over her head. MYSTIC (growling): You have no idea what you're dealing with! INSPECTOR ZIMA (growling): Yes I do, I know how your magic works and how to resist it! MYSTIC (growling): I'll destroy you and this entire base! INSPECTOR ZIMA (growling): You will not succeed! The two feuding females glow brighter and brighter until finally a earth- shaking explosion takes place. When all of the bright lights fade, Inspector Zima is unconscience on the floor. HUNTER (looking up from hiding place): Oh no! Zima's not moving! EXILE (looks around): And there is no sign of Mystic! BLITZ (shaking under a table): Just tell me vhen it's over! SHAG (shaking under the same table): Ree Roo! MARAUDER (runs over to Zima): She's alive, but barely. I gotta get her to the medical center! The scene is now at the medical center, several hours later. In a hospital ward, Colleen is in one bed and Inspector Zima is lying in the other one. Hunter sits beside Colleen's bed as she wakes up and slowly sits up. COLLEEN (holds her jaw): Blimey! That was quite a wallop that bloomin' Zima gave me! HUNTER (happy): Colleen! You're alright! COLLEEN (nods): Right as rain, Huntie-Wuntie! Except for all the bruises and throbbing pain! (growls): Where's that wolf girl? I'm gonna beat her to a pulp! HUNTER (calmly): It was Mystic McLab who used her magic on Zima to make her smart. When she tried to destroy the base, Zima stopped her COLLEEN (shocked): BLIMEY!! HUNTER (points): She got badly hurt in the process, she's in the bed next to you HUNTER (looks up at him): Doc, how is Zima? MARAUDER (looks down at Zima): Physically, Inspector Zima is fine, except for complete exhaustion. Whatever she did to stop Mystic has drained all of her strength. EXILE (sadly): Poor Comrade Zima.. BLITZ (angry): I tink she's getting vhat she deserves! Imagine, trying to take over as leader vhen I am dee best one for dee job! COLLEEN (angry): Oh pipe down, Blister! BLITZ (upset): That's Blitz! COLLEEN (rolls eyes): Whatever! Everyone now notices that Zima has opened her eyes. INSPECTOR ZIMA (softly): What... what... EXILE (happy): Zima! You're awake! INSPECTOR ZIMA (confused): What.. happened? HUNTER (smiles): You saved the base from Mystic McLab! INSPECTOR ZIMA (slowly nods): Oh yeah... that's the last thing I remember before I woke up here... where am I? MARAUDER (softly): You're in the medical ward INSPECTOR ZIMA (confused): I am? (looks to ther left): What's that over there? LINDA (smiles): That's a bedpan INSPECTOR ZIMA (confused): Why does a bed need a pan for? Is that like the oilpan is on a car? EXILE (shocked): Bolshoi! Comrade Zima is back to normalski! LINDA (calmly): Wait, let's make sure. (smiles): Zima, what color is an orange? INSPECTOR ZIMA (upset): An orange? Why did you ask me such a hard question? HUNTER (nods): That's our Zima! INSPECTOR ZIMA (shocked): Oh no! I broke up with Goldfire! I remember! (crying): How could I be so stupid? I LOVE HIM!!! MARAUDER (sternly): Zima, take it easy, you're not well INSPECTOR ZIMA (crying): But I've lost my Goldfire! His love means more to me than anything else in the whole wide world! (sadly): And now, he's gone.. GOLDFIRE (walks over from behind her bed): I wouldn't say that! INSPECTOR ZIMA (excited): GOLDFIRE!!! OH GOLDFIRE I'M SO SORRY!! GOLDFIRE (calmly): It's alright, Zima darling. INSPECTOR ZIMA (frantic): Please don't leave me! I love you! I'll do anything you ask! I'll even do your lauudry for you, and this time I'll use the washing machine instead of the dishwasher! GOLDFIRE (takes her by the hand): It's alright Zima. I know that you truly love me, and I can never stop loving you! INSPECTOR ZIMA (wide grin): Thank you darling! Goldfire stoops over her bed, allows her to reach up and hug him. BLITZ (growls): But vhat about all she did to us? She even tried to take over as leader of dee Road Rovers! HUNTER (growls): Knock it off, Blitz! COLLEEN (nods): Right! We know that that wasn't the real Zima talkin'! MARAUDER (calmly): Alright everyone, visiting hours are over. My patients need their rest. GOLDFIRE (turns to him): I wanna stay here with Zima! HUNTER (looks up at him): And I wanna stay here with Colleen, doc! MARAUDER (nods): Ok ok, the rest of you must leave EXILE (nods): Da! Our comrades need restski! SHAG (nods): RREAH! As Blitz, Shag, Exile and Linda leave the area, the Master walks up to them. MASTER (concerned): I heard there was some trouble down here, is everyone alright? EXILE (nods): Da! We are all dokey okey! LINDA (smiles): The situation is under control, Master! MASTER (nods): Good! BLITZ (growls): No it's not! Dat crazy she wolf tried to take over as leader, and I'M duh vone dat is dee best leader! MASTER (shocked): You, Blitz? BLITZ (nods): Ya! I am dee strongest and smartest Road Rover! LINDA (big grin): Alright Blitz, then answer this question. If a rooster lays four eggs a day for twenty consecutive days, how many eggs do you have by the end of a month? BLITZ (laughing): Dat's easy! It's.... it's.... er.... vell.... let me tink.... Blitz takes out a calculator and begins to franticly press the keys. MASTER (whispers to Linda): Doesn't he realize that roosters don't lay eggs? LINDA (whispers back): Don't think so, Master. EXILE (giggles): Hey comrade Blitz! When you get the answerski, let us know! BLITZ (frantic): Vhy did ya give me such a hard question? LINDA (giggles): So much for being the smartest Road Rover! SHAG (nods): Reah! The Master, Linda, Exile and Shag walk away as Blitz is still standing in the hallway, pressing buttons on his calculator ------------------------------------------------------------------