Copyright 2003 --- Robert Baer Jr. Buford's Collie Squadron -- "Me, Myself and Mei" DISCLAIMER Road Rover names, character, situations and the Road Rover universe are the property of Warner Bros. I, nor this script/story have any connection with Warner Bros. in any way, shape or form. This document is meant solely for not-for-profit entertainment and may not be reproduced or publized in any way, shape or form. This story in not meant to infringe on any copyrights. This story is written by Robert Baer Jr and all characters unless otherwise noted are the creations of Robert Baer Jr, copyright pending 1998-2002. Marauder is a creation of Jerimy Bass, Illinov is a creation of Gerhard Naude, Jazz Simmons is a creation of Dylan Rinald, Convoy Davenport is a creation of Matt Daily. Mei Tai Ling is a creation of Kahlah Wolf. Misty Maddog is a creation of Bart Walls. Buford's Collie Squadron -- "Me, Myself and Mei" The scene is a busy street in New York City in the late afternoon. Among the people who are walking the city streets is a Asian man who is walking with his leashed grey furred she-wolf named Mei Tai Ling, or Mei for short. The wolf easily passes for a canine, so no police stop them as they walk further downtown. SHEN (sadly): I am truly sorry, Mei, but I must fly to a conference in Sydney, and the airline has told me they are not taking any pets onboard. The 14th Kennel will take good care of you until I return. MEI (mumbles, barely audible): Fat chance... SHEN (stunned, looks all around): Huh? The man continues to walk Mei to the kennel. After Shen hugs her, she looks up at him with sad eyes as the kennel cage door closes. SHEN (lowers head): I am truly sorry, Mei. I will make it up to you when I return from the conference, I promise! Farewell for now. As the attendants leave the area, Mei looks up towards a window through her cage. MEI (outloud): Oh Shen, I wish you could've taken me with you. This place looks so frightening Suddenly, a bright light appears above Mei's head and a booming voice followed. MASTER (booming voice): Mei Tai Ling, you have been chosen! MEI (confused): Chosen? For what may I ask? MASTER (booming voice): You can speak! Amazing! MEI (skeptical): Answer my question, who are you? MASTER (booming voice): I am called the Master, caretaker of the Road Rovers, and I am asking you if you'd like to join our group of canine crimefighters MEI (confused): Why me, Master? MASTER (booming voice): I have done some research, and I know that you are no ordinary wolf. MEI (smiles): That's true, your proposal interests me. I have nothing better to do today, but how will I ... MASTER (booming voice): I'm sending two of my agents to your location as I speak... Suddenly, a loud BOOM!!! shakes the kennel, a male German Shepard and a female collie appear in Mei's cage. MEI (shocked): Alright, this is getting freaky SAMANTHA (smiles): Please do not be alarmed, Miss Ling, ma'am MEI (stunned): A talking collie with manners, this is getting weirder and weirder OTTO (sternly): I bring you greeting from the Master, Mei Tai Ling. I am called Otto and this is my wife Samantha Maddog. MEI (stunned): Another talking dog and this one sounds like John Wayne. I must be dreaming... OTTO (sternly): This is no dream, Mei Tai Ling, we have come to take you to Collie Squadran Headquarters MEI (sternly): Look Otto, just call me Mei, ok? OTTO (nods): Designation Mei recorded in data bank MEI (looks at Samantha): Is your... er... husband a robot? SAMANTHA (a little upset): No, Miss Ling, ma'am. He's all canine, with some cybernetic improvements (sadly): Those implants saved his life many years ago, ma'am MEI (looks around): Alright, you're both here, but how do we bust out? OTTO (sternly): I will activate my internal teleportation circuitry that will... As Otto is speaking, two attendants walk into the room and over to Mei's cage. CHARLIE (looks at him): Hey Lou, didn't we only have one mutt in this cage? LOU (nods): Yep, I didn't put those other two in there CHARLIE (softly): Alright yous two pooches, come with us... SAMANTHA (shouts): OH NO!! LOU (shocked): Huh? CHARLIE (points): Did she just say, 'Oh No?' SAMANTHA (embarrassed): Oh dear... OTTO (sternly): Mission has been compromised. time to begin alternative plan CHARLIE (shocked): Now the other mutt's talkin'! LOU (shakes head): This just ain't possible.. OTTO (sternly): Humans, look into my eyes please... When Lou and Charlie move closer to Otto, he shoots blue beams out of his eyes at their eyes. MEI (shocked): WHAT THE... OTTO (sternly): Cerebral link established... altering short term memories... MEI (turns to her): Samantha, what is he doing? SAMANTHA (smiles): Otto is using his internal circuitry to probe their minds. I believe he's going to make them forget what they saw and to allow us to take you with us for a while MEI (shocked): Can he do that? SAMANTHA (nods): Yes he can, Miss Ling, ma'am MEI (smiles): Please, call me Mei SAMANTHA (nods): Yes ma'am.... oops... I mean, Mei As Otto's eye beams fade, Lou and Charlie walk away in an almost zombie-like trance. MEI (concerned): Tell me Otto, are all Road Rover like you? OTTO (sternly): Negative. I am the only bionic and computer enhanced canine in the force. Our friend Starlight is also bionic and computer enhanced, but she is a horse and not an official member of the Road Rovers team. MEI (smiles): Well, I'm ready to go. I assume you can get us out of this cage OTTO (sternly): Activating teleportation circuitry... MEI (confused): Say what? Instantly, Mei, Otto and Samantha are teleported to Collie Squadron Headquarters. MEI (stunned): WHOA!! That was some ride! OTTO (sternly): Mei Tai Ling, welcome to Collie Squadron Headquarters, a part of the Road Rovers network of bases all around the world. SAMANTHA (smiles): Come with us, Mei, to the transdogmafier chambers MEI (confused): The what? SAMANTHA (walking): Over here. These transform us into human-like beings MEI (scared): It is safe? OTTO (nods): Affirmatvie, my wife will demonstrate Samantha walks into one of the chambers and disappears in a cloud of smoke, when the smoke clears, she walks out as a cano-sapien in a silvery Road Rovers outfit. SAMANTHA (smiles): See Mei? It's painless! Otto now walks into a chamber and emerges as a cano-sapien. OTTO (sternly): Please proceed Mei MEI (walking towards a chamber): Alright, here goes.. Mei now enters a chamber and soon emerges as a lupo-sapien in a silvery Road Rovers outfit. MEI (looks at herself): Truly astonishing! (smiles): But does this outfit come in any other colors? As she is speaking, Ben and Rupee Maddog approach them. BEN (smiles): You must be Mei Ling! I'm Ben Maddog and this is my wife Rupee RUPEE (shakes hand): Please to meet you, miss MEI (happy): Please, call me Mei RUPEE (nods): As you wish OTTO (sternly): Mei was commenting about the color of her uniform RUPEE (smiles): Well Mei, which color would you prefer? MEI (looking at herself): Maybe something in blue... Rupee snaps her fingers, Mei's outfit immediately changes to blue RUPEE (smiles): Anything else I can help you with? MEI (looking at herself): WOW! How did you do that? RUPEE (smiles): Centuries of practice, my dear... SAMANTHA (happy): Ben and Rupee are my parents, Mei MEI (nods): You must have a very interesting family SAMANTHA (points): Here comes my sister Abby! Walking towards them now is Abby and Convoy Davenport, having a discussion CONVOY (pleading): But darlin', I can't stop the Gila Monster from visiting us ABBY (upset): He's so uncueth! Like what he did to our silver tea service! CONVOY (nods): Ok ok, that was a bit out of line, I'll admit ABBY (furious): Out of line? That creature chewed on the platter while we were out of the room! CONVOY (shrugs): Maybe it was 'cause he was hungry? ABBY (shakes fist): I'LL HUNGRY HIM!!! (notices the group): Oh... (smiles): Hello there! CONVOY (smiles): You must be new here! I'm Convoy and this is my wife Abby MEI (shakes hands): Pleased to meet you... (turns to Samantha): A Gila Monster that eats silver? SAMANTHA (embarrassed): Well, he's a nice guy, but a bit... well... OTTO (sternly): Primitive is the correct term.. MEI (stunned): Ok... Now walking towards them is Vicki and Illinov ILLINOV (happy): Greetings Comrade Mei! I am Illinov and this is my lovely wife Vicki! MEI (shakes hands): Pleased to meet you, I take it you are also one of Samantha's sisters? VICKI (nods): Yes! How did you know? MEI (grins): Lucky guess Now everyone's ears perk up, they hear the sounds of an zoom lens camera in the distance. When the group follows the sounds to a room, they find Jazz behind a tripod shooting photos of Linda, Marauder and Misty. All three are dressed in turn of the century clothes and are standing perfectly still. LINDA (trying not to move): How much longer do we have to hold this pose, Jazz? JAZZ (takes another picture): Not long, just one more roll to shoot and we're done. MARAUDER (trying not to move): Alright, but I really have to return to the medical ward soon JAZZ (takes another picture): How are you holding up, Misty? MISTY (excited, perky): I LOVE THIS!! ME IN A PHOTO SHOOT! THIS RULZ!!! JAZZ (calmly): Misty, please hold still, I don't want you to show up as a blur on film... (turns and sees the group): Oh! Hi there guys! You must be Mei! We've been expecting you! MEI (confused): Really? JAZZ (nods): Yeah, oh, let me introduce myself. I'm Jazz Simmons, Road Rover reporter and photographer. I'll be taking your photo for your ID badge! MEI (shocked): ID badge? Wait a minute, I haven't agreed to join yet LINDA (holding pose): Jazz! Hurry up! I'm getting craps in my legs! JAZZ (shocked): Oh my gosh! Sorry about that. Let's take a break! MARAUDER (starts to move): Whew! I never knew being a model was this grueling! SAMANTHA (points to them): Mei, may I introduce Marauder, our doctor, his wife Linda and my youngest sister Misty! MEI (smiles): So happy to meet all of you! Those are early 1900's clothes, right? LINDA (nods): Yes, you do know your history MISTY (whirls around): I love this dress! I may wear it the rest of the day! JAZZ (big grin): You do look lovely in it, my dear! MISTY (smiles): Thanks! MARAUDER (turns to him): Jazz, if you're done with us, may we change? JAZZ (nods): Sure, I already have plenty of good shots I can use MEI (turns to him): This is all very nice, but Ben, what exactly is it that you do here? BEN (smiles): We're Road Rovers. When we are called upon to help, we come running with all the latest in technology. RUPEE (points): We have a lot of facilities here. There's a motor pool, a hanger bay for our jets, a medical ward and... MEI (shocked): Jets? You have jet planes here? OTTO (nods): Affirmitive, but during extreme emergencies, we can always teleport to the scene of the action MEI (looks all around): This place is huge! I think I'm going to like hanging around here SAMANTHA (happy): So you are agreeing to join the Road Rovers? MEI (nods): Why not? But tell me, are there any other wolves serving here? ABBY (nods): We have several, as well as a few foxes, two horses and ... The Gila Monster runs over to the group. ABBY (continues, points): And THAT! GILA MONSTER (happy): Hi yous guys! So, you're the new recruit! Pleased to meet yous! I'm the Gila Monster! MEI (shakes hands): Yes, you are indeed GILA MONSTER (happy): Glad yous is joinin' us! We gets to go out and beat the tar outta bad guys! I loves it! (swings his 2 x 4): I loves to smack evil gooberoos in the skull! Makes me feel great! MEI (whispers to Samantha): Gooberoos? SAMANTHA (whispers back): It's just the way he talks GILA MONSTER (smiles): So Mr Maddog, is we gots a new mission yet? BEN (shakes head): Not yet, but you never know... GILA MONSTER (happy); Great! That'll give me time with my ant farm! MEI (surprised): You have a hobby like keeping ants? GILA MONSTER (nods): I sure does! (licks lips): Them little dinkledoofs sure are tasty! (runs off): Gotta go! ABBY (makes face): EEEEWWWWWWWW!!! VICKI (makes face): THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!! MISTY (happy): I think he's cool! LINDA (turns to her): You would, Misty MEI (shocked): Why does this not surprise me? Anything else you'd care to show me? BEN (nods); Yes Mei, time for you to meet Uncle Buford! MEI (confused): Uncle? OTTO (nods): His full designation is Buford Thomas Lovejoy, but he prefers that everyone refer to him as Uncle Buford. MEI (nods); Ok, what breed of dog is he? SAMANTHA (happy): He's human! MEI (shocked): Human? Mei, Ben, Rupee, Otto and Samantha enter Uncle Buford's office. He stands up, adjusting his white labcoat as he reaches for his walking cane. BEN (smiles): Uncle Buford, may I present... BUFORD (interrupts): Mei Tai Ling! Yes, we know all about you! MEI (surprised): Really? BUFORD (nods): Of course! Road Rover Mission Control conducts careful research when recruiting new members. According to your file, you were born in Tibet and have had much tragedy in your young life... MEI (shocked): Where did you get that information? BUFORD (smiles): We have our sources, ma'am. The point is you'll make a perfect Road Rover Agent! MEI (confused): Road Rover Agent? BUFORD (nods); Yes, we have Road Rover Agents all over the world. Not every Road Rover serves full time at our many bases. Some lead rather ordinary lives until called upon to serve. We are aware of your relationship with Shen and that he is a very kind and loving master to you MEI (nods); True, he's very kind... BUFORD (smiles): But even he doesn't know about your special abilities, such as human speech MEI (giggles): Yeah, I don't think he could handle that bit of information BUFORD (smiles): Well, we have no intention of letting him find out, or for that matter, of letting him know you're a Road Rover agent, unless you choose to tell him MEI (nods): Sounds fine. Perhaps someday I will share my past with him. But for now, I think I'm better off just being his faithful pet BUFORD (nods); That's the spirit. (turns to him): Otto, how long can she stay until we have to return her? OTTO (sternly); Approximately fifteen hours, forty two minutes, sixteen seconds... MEI (giggles): Is that a ball park figure? OTTO (confused): Ball Park? BUFORD (smiles): Come, allow us to give you the basic training course... The scene is now back at the kennel, two days later. Shen walks in as Mei's cage is opened. The happy wolf rushes over to her master, who is now on one knee hugging her. SHEN (happy): Oh Mei! How I have missed you! I'm so sorry I had to go away, but I'm back and I've brought you gifts! LOU (smiles); She was very well behaved, sir! CHARLIE (nods): Yeah, didn't give us a bit of trouble MEI (to herself): Otto's mind control worked! Those two idiots don't remember a thing! Shen (puts leash on her): C'mon Mei, let's go home. (sighes): My weekend was really busy, I hope it wasn't too rough on you being all alone MEI (outloud): It wasn't Shen (shocked): HUH??? MEI (to herself): Oops! Shen (looks all around): I could've swore I heard someone... (smiles): Nevermind Mei, just wait till you see what I bought you! MEI (to herself as she is walking with Shen ): It's good to be with my friend again, but those Road Rovers were nice... Even that reptile one! I have a feeling that there's going to be a lot more excitement and adventure in my future... Shen walks out into the street with Mei and towards the downtown area. -----------------------------------------------------------