Copyright 2000 -- Robert Baer Jr. Buford's Collie Squadron -- "The Sportsman" DISCLAIMER Road Rovers characters, names, situations and the Road Rovers universe are the property of Warner Bros. I, nor this script/story are connected with Warner Bros. in any way, shape or form. This document may not be publicized or reproduced in any way, shape or form. It must remain fully intact and may not be altered in anyway. It is strictly used for not-for-profit entertainment purposes only, and is not intended to infringe on any Copyrights. This story is written by Robert Baer Jr and the characters Otto, Samantha Maddog, Ben Maddog, Abby Maddog, Vicki Maddog, Princess, Molly Maddog, Kyra, Computer Gila Monster, Princess, Linda Maddog, Uncle Buford and Roger Maddog are all Robert Baer Jr's creations, copyright 1997-1998. DJ is a creation of Jake Williams. Marauder is a creation of Jerimy Bass. Huntress is a creation of Greywolf Lupous. Alethia is a creation of Kylen Miles, Cobber is a creation of Mike Browner. Buford's Collie Squadron -- "The Sportsman" The scene is the lounge area of Road Rover Headquarters. Hunter, Blitz, Colleen, Shag, Exile, Huntress and DJ are all seated around the card table, playing poker. HUNTER (smiles): Ok, Exile, I see your two chips and raise you five! BLITZ (frowns): I fold! COLLEEN (angry): You've folded the last six hands, Fluffy! HUNTRESS (smiles): He's just waiting for the right cards, isn't that right my Blitzie-Whitse! EXILE (confused): Blitzie-Whitsie? DJ (turns away): I think I'm going to hurl! SHAG (turns away): Ree-Roo! BLITZ (anxious): C'mon already Exile! It's your play! Raise or hold? Snell! EXILE (upset): Bolshoi! Everyone's always russin me! HUNTER (looks at newspaper): Did you guys see the latest headlines? (reads outloud): Road Rovers capture drug kingpin in Los Angeles! COLLEEN (shakes head): I don't remember being on that mission! EXILE (shakes head): Nor to I! BLITZ (upset): It must be a typo! HUNTER (reads on): Road Rover agents Otto, Samantha, Molly and Linda were instrumental in shutting down suspected drug smuggling operations and ... Blitz is so angry he snatches the newspaper from Hunter's hands, wods it up and throws it across the room. HUNTER (angry): HEY! That's my newspaper! I paid for it! EXILE (confused, turns to Blitz): Weird boy, what's your problem? BLITZ (growls): I'm so sick and tired of hearing all about dese 'new' Road Rovers! The Master is always adding new Rovers! It's not fair! I'm the one who should be getting all the headlines! ME! HUNTRESS (puts hand on shoulder): Settle down, dear! All of us can't be everywhere at once. HUNTER (nods): My sister's right, Blitz. Fighting evil all day takes a lot of effort! That's why we have the Space Rovers, the Ocean Rovers, the Street Rovers, the Collie Squadron, the .... BLITZ (furious): Dat's exactly my point! We don't need all of dees new Rovers! They're not even the pets of world's leaders, like WE are! HUNTRESS (offended): Hey! DJ (upset): I'm not a world leader's pet either, dude! BLITZ (smiles): Oops, no offense Huntress and DJ! You two have been Rovers for a long time! Dees others only joined recently! COLLEEN (smiles): Well, I donno, I kinda like having a group called the Collie Squadron working with us! BLITZ (sarcastic): You would! COLLEEN (shakes fist): Shut up, Fluffypants! HUNTER (consoling): Put a leash on it, Blitz! The new Rovers are here to help us fight crime. BLITZ (sighs): Maybe you're right, Hunter Blitz gets up, walks across the room and brings back Hunter's newspaper. As he tries to 'unwad' it, he notices the huge add on the back page. BLITZ (confused): What's diss? (reads ad outloud): Hey kids! Be the first on your block to own the new posable Collie Squadron action toys? There's Ben, Abby, Vicki, Molly .... (growls loudly and rips up newspaper): THAT DOES IT! I CAN'T TAKE DIS ANYMORE! Blitz slams his fist on the table, gets up, and storms out of the room. DJ picks up a piece of the shredded newpaper and stares at it. DJ (to himself): Y'know, Molly doesn't look half bad as a action figure! (stuffs the piece of newspaper in his pants pocket) Huntress, better go see where Blitz ran off to. He sure looks angry. HUNTRESS (calmly): Don't worry, I'll find him! Huntress rushes out of the room as the others continue their game. EXILE (places two chips in the center): Dokey Okey comrade Hunter, I call! (lays cards down): I have three Jacks! HUNTER (lays cards down): Full house, Aces over Kings! EXILE (moans): I having lots of luck, all BAD! MASTER (on PA system): Road Rovers! Report to the briefing room at once! HUNTER (stands up): Well, game over! COLLEEN (stands up): Must be another emergency! The Rovers rush out of the lounge and into the briefing room. Alethia and Cobber arrive in their luges and transdogmafy. Soon, everyone is seated, except Blitz. MASTER (on podium): Road Rovers, a few moments ago, Blitz hopped into a Street Rover and rushed out of Headquarters without authorization. COLLEEN (laughs): That's the best bloomin' news I heard all day! MASTER (shakes head): Huntress is now missing also, I believe she went running after him. HUNTER (interrupting): Master, a few minutes ago, Blitz got angry and ran out of the lounge. He's probably just trying to blow off some steam! MASTER (looks down): Hunter, I don't like this! If Blitz and Huntress aren't careful, they could be captured by Zachary Storm or Parvo and Groomer! That's why I want all of you to find them and bring them back! HUNTER (salutes): We'll retrieve them, Master! (turns to the others): You heard the Master, we have a mission! We are Road Rovers! All of the Rovers howl in unison as they leave the briefing room. Shag runs over and grabs a hero sandwich and stuffs it into his fur. SHAG (smiles): Ruh Rur Rah Rooad! MASTER (confused): One for the road? (angry, points): Shag, join the others NOW! Shag whimpers as he runs out the door. Soon, all of the Rovers board a Jet Rover and are ready to take off when Muzzle 'bounces' himself on his genry up the boarding ramp. Hunter is piloting the plane and has Blitz's and Huntress's collar signals on his radar. HUNTER (smiles): We found them! They're both ten miles straight ahead EXILE (relieved): Goodski! This mission be easy as falling over a tree! HUNTER (confused): Er....OK.... COLLEEN (looking at radar): Excuse me Huntie-Wuntie, but there seems to be five more blips on the radar scope! HUNTER (confused): Five? That's impossible! The thing must be on the fritz! EXILE (looking out of rear window): Comrades! We have missiles on our tail! HUNTER (smiles): I would not have predicted this, NO WAY!! Hunter tries to dodge them, but the three heat seeking missiles hit the Jet Rover's engines, causing it to dive straight down. HUNTER (shouting): Everyone, make a jump for it! Hunter, Alethia, Cobber, DJ, Colleen, Exile and Muzzle jump out of the burning plane and parachute down safely to the ground, all except Shag, who's parachute gets stuck in a tree. The others point up and laugh as they watch him struggle to get free. SHAG (struggling): Relp! Relp! COLLEEN (laughing): He looks like a bloomin' hand puppet, he does! COBBER (laughing): Way to go, mate! ALETHIA (snaps fingers): I wish I'd brought my camera! EXILE (laughing): Shag, you look like a furry pinanta! HUNTER (smiling): Hold on, Shagster, we'll get you down! Hunter climbs the tree and cuts the parachute strings loose. Shag looks down, gets scared and grabs Hunter, causing them both to fall to the ground with a thud. COLLEEN (frightened): SHAG! HUNTER! Are you alright? HUNTER (emerging from Shag's fur): Looks like me and Shag are alright, but I got bad news about that hero sandwich you hid in your fur! SHAG (sadly): Raugh Rucks! DJ (points): Hey guys, look over there! In the distance they all see a huge steel cage. Inside of it are Blitz and Huntress who are bound and gagged. Exile uses his laser vision to melt the lock as Hunter and Alethia enter the cage. When Hunter removes the gag from Huntress's mouth, she shouts "RUN! IT'S A TRAP!" Before anyone can react, a huge cargo net drops from the treetops and covers the cage and all of the Road Rovers outside of it. As the Rovers struggle to get free, a strange looking masked man wearing a pith helmet and khaki shorts takes out a scoped rifle, aims and fires. He is shooting tranquillizer darts, and in rapid succession, he shots each Road Rover with a dart. MASKED MAN (motions to his men): Take the rottweiler to the basement, prepare the others for the next phase of my plan! The scene now shifts to a large, carpeted room inside of a huge mansion. This seems to be a 'trophy' room, with many animals 'heads' mounted on it. There are deer, elk, moose, bear and even a tiger head on the room's front wall. On the other side of the room is a huge wooden display case loaded with many gold and silver trophy 'cups' in it. Several hunting rifles are also mounted on a side wall. Hunter, Huntress, Cobber, Colleen, Blitz, Alethia, Exile, DJ and Shag awaken to find themselves strapped down on their bellies to a huge metal table on wheels. Standing over them is the same masked figure in the pith helmet. COLLEEN (angry): Who are you? Let us go you crazy yank! SHAG (scared): Ruh ruh ruh? HUNTER (growls): What do you want with us? And where's Muzzle? MASKED MAN (laughing): I do believe a proper introduction is in order! I am called the Sportsman! I've been all over the world searching for wild beasts to shoot as trophies! Behold! My trophy room is loaded with the stuffed heads of almost every wild game animal known to man! To answer your question, Hunter, that rottweiler on the gerny is in my basement under very heavy sedation. HUNTRESS (angry): I think that's horrible! ALETHIA (nods): Release us! Keeping us in this room won't do you any good! SPORTSMAN (shakes head): I disagree with you, Alethia! You see I wanted to track down and hunt the ultimate game, the most intelligent furry creatures on the planet. That's why I chose to hunt YOU, the Road Rovers, as my next prey! COLLEEN (laughs): Intelligent? Then why did ya hunt Blister for? BLITZ (upset): HEY! EXILE (growls): You have many bellfrees in your bats! SPORTSMAN (laughs): Well said, Exile! You see, I've accomplished what no other person in all of the universe has done! I've tracked and shot the Road Rovers, and it was SO easy, you all came to ME! DJ (angry): Well, technically you only shot us with tranquillizer darts! SPORTSMAN (smiles): DJ, I have no plans to kill any one of you. I respect the fact that all of you are crime fighters and do a lot of good for all mankind! ALETHIA (confused): Then if you're not going to kill us, why are we still bound to this table? SPORTSMAN (smiles): Because all of you ARE going to be mounted on my wall, sort of. I'm going to let you all go, after I cut off all of your tails and mount them on my wall! The Rovers gasp in horror. HUNTRESS (shocked): Cut off our tails? COBBER (angry): This bloak has flipped his lid! COLLEEN (upset): You've gone completely bonkers! SPORTSMAN (laughs): I'm not uncivilized, Colleen. All of you will be properly sedated so you won't feel a thing during the surgery. You'll all wake up far away from here as healthy as ever, minus your tails! HUNTER (growls): You're a sick, twisted human! EXILE (growls): You'll never get away with this! SPORTSMAN (laughs): Oh, but your wrong, Exile! After today, everyone will know that you have been conquered! I'll have your tails to show my guests and visitors as proof that I have defeated you. All of you will go on fighting crime, but when people see that your tails are gone, they too will know that you've been outsmarted! ALETHIA (struggles): Stop this madness! You're insane! DJ (struggles): I sure don't want to lose my tail to a lunatic like you! BLITZ (suddenly happy): I just realized something! I don't have a tail! Dat means you have to let me go, right? SPORTSMAN (looks down on Blitz): That's right, you don't have a tail! Oh well, I suppose YOU will have to be beheaded then. BLITZ (shocked): WHAT? SPORTSMAN (sadly): I'll have to mount your head on my wall instead, thank you for pointing that out to me! BLITZ (crying): NO!!!!!! COLLEEN (outraged): This has gone on long enough! Don't you dare kill Blitz! BLITZ (surprised): COLLEEN! Use actually said my name! COLLEEN (angry): Yeah, don't let it go to your head! SPORTSMAN (sternly): ENOUGH! It's time for your operation! Nurses, come and sedate our guests! Several nurses holding needles in their hands wall in. Shag and Blitz shiver and whine. All of a sudden a loud BOOM!!! shakes the room, and standing before the Sportsman and all of his followers are the entire Collie Squadron. There's Ben, Molly, Abby, Vicki, Roger, Linda, Prairie Mason, Prairie Rose and Kyra. BEN (points): We're here to put an end to your nonsense! SPORTSMAN (evil grin): Wonderful! More tails I can mount on my wall! He tosses a gas grenade towards them, Molly uses her super speed to grab it in mid air and throw it out a window. The Sportsman panics and pushes an alarm button on his wall. This summons a dozen rough looking thuds who run towards the group. Roger punches several of them while Prairie Mason 'multiplies' himself and fights the rest of them hand to hand. Linda 'passes' through all of the 'fighters' and makes her way to the table where the Rovers are strapped. She 'solidifies' and reaches for her Bowie knife to cut them all free. Seeing the battle is 'lost', the thuds run away. Several run outside, VIcki flies out the window to catch them. Abby 'flames' on and follows her. Ben manages to stop two of them in the doorway by shooting electric bolts out of his hands. BEN (looks around): Looks like we got'm all! HUNTER (standing up): Not quite, where's the Sportsman? They hear a helicopter engine outside. COLLEEN (angry): We can't let that bugger get away! PRAIRIE ROSE (growls): Leave that to ME! Prairie Rose jumps out of an open window and sees the Sportsman's chopper lifting off from the roof of the mansion. Instantly, she 'grows' to over fifty foot tall and grabs the helicopter in her huge hands. PRAIRIE ROSE (thudering voice): Where do you think YOU'RE going, creep! The terrified Sportsman screams as Prairie Rose gently pulls the propeller off of his helicopter. HUNTER (looking out of the window): Way to go, Rose! ALETHIA (shakes fist in the air): That'll teach them not to mess with us! BEN (walks towards Hunter): Are all of you alright? HUNTER (nods): We sure are thanks to you and the Collie Squadron! EXILE (happy): Da! You are the Cavalry coming in the niche of timeski! Linda and Molly finish freeing the other Rovers from the table. When Molly cuts DJ loose and helps him to his feet, the weeping collie throws her arms around him and hugs him tightly. When she sees that others are staring at her, she feels a little embarrassed and releases the hug. MOLLY (stuttering): DJ! I....er ..... I'm.......I'm really glad that you're alright...... and ...... DJ (warm smiles): And I'm gratiful for the rescue, Molly, thank you! DJ and Molly look lovingly into each other's eyes for a moment, and then turn towards the others. HUNTER (shouting): Let's go home, Rovers, our work here is done! All of the Rovers howl in unison. The scene shifts to Road Rover Mission Control, several hours later. The Master is addressing the Rovers in the briefing room. MASTER (on podium): Collie Squadron, you are all good, good dogs! The Sportsman and all of his henchmen have been rounded up and arrested! Well done! HUNTER (shakes hands with Ben): You guys saved our tails, literally! BEN (smiles): It was our pleasure to assist you! HUNTRESS (turns to Blitz): So Blitz, what was that you were saying about the Master having too many Rovers? BLITZ (sadly): Ok, ok, I was wrong about the new Rovers. Day saved my life today! Blitz seeing Colleen walking out of the briefing room and follows her. BLITZ (happy): Colleen! You stood up for me back dere in duh mansion, and I just wanted to thank you! COLLEEN (smiles): You're welcome, Fluffy! BLITZ (smiles): Dat won't work anymore! I know dat you really do care about me now! COLLEEN (whispers): Blitz, I honestly do care about you.... but if you tell ANYONE I said that, I'll honestly KNOCK YOUR BLOOMIN' BLOCK OFF!!! BLITZ (shakes, nods): Ok, ok, I understand. COLLEEN (smiles): Great to hear that, Blint! As Colleen walks away, Blitz has a slight smile on his face. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------